Konteks tak disertakan ...

(Aku menggenggam benih yang elok!)

Pada celahan kelikir dan suburnya gambut, disitu akar yang kukuh bisa terpaut.
Lalu dahan melentur dek angin, teguhnya dengan lapisan masa dan usia berlalu.

Pernahkah kau melihat, si pohon bonsai, lentuk liuk dahannya, di tangan manusia?

Tapi dahan pohonku ini...
bercabangkan kemungkinan.
 Segalanya mungkin.
 Segalanya mungkin tidak.
Dan aku hanya serahkan, ditangan Sang Pencipta.

- Disember 2010

How To Spare Your Loved Ones Heartaches

Assalamualaikum wbt and hye :)

Its been a while, everyone. I am currently happily doing my elective posting in Hospital S. (anonymous :p ). Beneath layers of stubborn lazyness and procrastinations (in revising), its actually nice experience.  But thats another story. Lets go to the "meat" of this post. I have been away from medicine posting for about a semester. In this elective posting, Im back doing medicine. I seen a lot of chronically ill patient, and their loved ones also ( or more accurately, ones who love them.) in these few days.

Such chronic (long term) and severe illnesses, are such a toll (physically and mentally) not just to the patient but to their relatives. Imagine being bed bound, with oxygen mask on... seeing your wife crying by the bedside, but you have no strength even to sip a few drops of drinks, no mention to pat her back and say its all right (sometimes, its really NOT ALLRIGHT). Its not only your heart that is broken (literally or figuratively), but their hearts too.

I saw briefly today a doctor telling a wife about her husband's bad prognosis (outlook).  There is not much that can be done, because the husband's condition is so bad. I was standing so far away so I cannot really see her facial expression. But I tried to appreciate whats running through her heads and whats swelling in her heart. I don't suppose its a very pleasant feeling.

The thing about getting sick or ill is, its true that, when it comes, you have to face it. And it happens. It may happen to you or just anyone. It may just be your bad luck, its in your gene, you may get into an accident... or be a bit clumsy.... However, be reminded that a huge chunk of maladies actually is preventable by simple gestures of everyday life.

Remember the TV commercial about the hazards of smoking? (Brilliant!!!! I hope it touch some hearts...)



 "Don't break my heart.", in the end...thats what Im talking about.

Change your lifestyle :) . Bit by bit each day. make it a habit. Do it for the one you love and loving you. (Sorry and beware, Im in my "kempen kesihatan preaching mode".) For Muslims, even in Islam, the concept of "Prevention is better than cure" is evident, eg. Not doing things that predispose to adultery... (just see how messy the social problem it cause...)

How To Spare Your Loved Ones Heartaches (Health Edition)

1. Quit, reduce or never start smoking. Yes, it may lead to future heartaches... if the heartaches has not started yet; because yes... it might be annoying to family members/friends (maybe they don't say it or just keep it in..). Be kind. Be considerate.
2. Reduce sugar and salt in diet. 
3. Exercise! Do small things first like parking a bit far and walk a lot, using stairs instead of elevators... then build things up. Remember to be istiqamah (to persevere). And keep in mind to have "Today better than yesterday, and tomorrow better than today." at the very least. :) Losing weight appropriately seriously can do wonders to reduce existing/future problems. (You look hotter too, haha... but please have healthy body image, ok. No need to be stick figure also.)
4. Eat good food. In Islam," Halalan Toyyiba" (Halal and Good for you) 
5. Avoid accidents. This include having safe home/transport conditions, to drive safely, to wear protectives when necessary and stuff like that.
6. For Muslims please, no alcohol. But for those who take them, just remember that taking too much is not good. Love your liver!!!
7. Take good and enough rest. :)

So, thats all just for now. They are just the things that everyone knows but everyone don't do. There is a lot more, like please take care of yourself if you are ill/having conditions and follow the advices that were given for your wellbeing (eg: taking medications).

I have some personal view that, when I am not taking care of myself or inflict something harmful to self, eg: taking too much salt when I know it can give me hypertension or electrolyte imbalance (over2 plak) and further medical problems... its just like choosing a slow route to suicide. Slow... but still stupid and suicidal. And to do harm to self when you know it, I don't think is a virtue of a good Muslim.

So... remember that loving yourself is a part of loving the ones you love. Don't waste your years of affection and sacrifice, but still (in-a-way-uselessly-)sacrificing yourself in the end, when its preventable altogether.

Love,
Munirah

Post-exam = Post Ictal

Its day 1 after POPPH (Psychiatry, Obs and Gynae, Paediatrics and Public Health) final exams a.k.a 2 weeks of horror with different discipline back to back everyday, the written, the OSCE and the clinical examination. It still feels surreal. I had like 101 plans for after exam, list of movies to watch, dramas to swoon, painting to finish and ATC (Artist Trading Card) to make, postcards and letters to write, places to go, cake to bake... haha... it might overshoot 101. But here I am blankly staring at the wall... oh I see a spider... lets add no 102. Cleaning my room.


For me, post-exam state is just like post-ictal state.
"Following a seizure it is common to experience feelings of exhaustion, both mental and physical, that can last for a day or two."
The symptoms are...

• Depression (suddenly loss the "reason for living on" which is during exams, reading and practicing a lot.)
• Loss of energy (energy supplies drained in 2 weeks of staying up and poor diet.)
• Drowsiness ( "PILLOWS~~~")
• Nausea 
• Confusion and inability to think clearly, specifically “poor attention and concentration, poor short term memory, decreased verbal and interactive skills, and a variety of cognitive defects specific to individuals. (what should I do???)
• Hypertension and maybe migrain also, haha (coz thinking of your performance during exam and also the impending result).

Hurm, exam is also pretty much like an induced seizure ("abnormal excessive or synchronous neuronal activity in the brain" = READ READ READ READ READ...)... we know its coming but usually still manage to shake our nerves to the core. Lucky for me it only last 2 weeks, if not Im going to have "status epilepticus", which is life threatening!!!

Joking aside, Alhamdulillah Im glad its over. So, lets hope for the best my dear friends. I will definitely miss my POPPH group, and hopefully as Ayu suggest we can have some nice plans after the elective months. A reunion? Commemorating our entry into the last semester of our medical education? I do pray all of us will get the best result!

p/s- to non-medic friends, sorry for a slighly "medical" content. 

Google it.

Salam and hi,

I was messing around with youtube with my brother last night. See what we found! I know its an old video, but they are still good. :)












:) Have a nice day!

Good luck to all my friends studying for POPPH finals!

This is how it feels like...

I was driving alone on a bridge across the sea. The destination unknown. Then I realized, the railings at the side of the road is gone, and the sea water has raise up to the point, it’s the same level as the tar on the bridge. I keep driving, afraid of falling into the sea. But the bridge had its own twist, it did a dip into the sea. In front of me I saw a massive pile-up from both directions. I can’t stop, I was going too fast. My car flew into the air, into the sea.

I opened my eyes, "I am drowning". I couldnt get off my seat, I was trapped in my seatbelt. I was just going to die.

I opened my eyes again, and sumhow I was free. I floated up to the surface. There are a lot of other cars, floating in the sea. Waves and tides came and crash, but I was saved. Somehow im flying up in the air. Perhaps there was a helicopter??? (deus ex machina much???)

But I was saved. Then somehow i ended up...in a different dream.

Secrets to Sweet-Talking

Want to be a sweet-talker who can sweep anyone off their feet? Talk you way to success or achieving what you desire? It would be really convenient, isn’t it? I think it is an art that we can learn. (For some its natural???). However, sadly, in this post I cannot reveal the secrets because I actually don’t really know, hehe… Hey… do you think having sweet-tooth can help you better in sweet talking? Coz I have not-a-secret to sooth you aching sweet-tooth, dear chocolate lover friends!!!!

So, how about some Chocolate Chip Meringue Cookies, whipped cream and some chocolate syrup combo. SINFUL! So, off to the recipe which I alter a bit from “The Chocolate Deck” (for the recipe of meringue).

---
Part 1: Choco-chip Meringue Cookies

3 A grade egg whites (cool to saperate easily/ room temperature before whisk)
1/4 teaspoon cream of tartar
Pinch salt
1/2 cup castor (or fine) sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla
3/4 cup bittersweet/semisweet chocolate chips
1 tablespoon cocoa powder (I added for colour and taste)

So, first position 2 racks in ur oven. One at upper third and one at lower third. Preheat to 275 F or around 125 C. Line with parchment.

Beat the egg whites, cream of tartar, cocoa powder and salt. (Electric mixer at medium hi. However, I actually don't have it so i used whisk just now. Highly not recommended coz i think right now i get biceps hypertrophy of my right arm, ngeee...) The bowl u use is better be copper/stainless steel and very clean. Coz fat (even yolk residue) will cause it not to form peaks. Don't use plastic one coz fat can stick there. Continue till they form soft peaks. Then add sugar 1 tbs at a time and continue till you get stiff peaks. The mixture should looks glossy. If u take mixture in spoon and turn it upside down then it wont fall off. Then beat in vanilla. After that, fold in the chips.

Later using 2 spoons, heap 1 spoonfuls on the sheet. Bake for 30 mins, then switch the position of the rack and continue for 1 hour, or til light golden brown. Cool on wire rack for 10 mins, peel of from parchments and cool on racks. Later, keep in airtight container. Simpan for 1 week.

(Meringue can be eaten just like that. Its crunchy on outside and chewy at middle like marshmallow~~~)

Part 2: Whipped cream

Whipping cream in a box??? Then whisk (yeah kekuatan tangan lagi!!!) or just beat till just nice.
Or whipped cream in a can. Senang!

Part 3: Chocolate syrup

Go and buy. hehe... or if rajin, melt some chocolate over hot water.

----

 Put in The cream in dessert bowl. Crumble the merigue on top of that. Then just put some chocolate syrup. If u fancy, snow some cocoa powder on top. Tada..... Cavity-inducing happiness!!!!

You can make ur own personal combo by putting brownies??? and fruits??? anything u want kan??? owh... the possibilities. Haish... why am I advocating something that will increase the workload of all doctors and future doctors... Hurm, so, don't eat this too much k?

Random Funny Stories

Assalamualaikum wbt....
I kinda translated it loosely from a japanese site. (using google translate)

---
Story 1:
My mom always put ice on her forehead if she have headache or fever. One night the feeling is unbearable, she walk into the dimlit kitchen and pull out a pack of ice. She opened the plastic and wrap it in a towel. The next morning she woke up next to some squids.
---
Story 2:
My brother was in junior high school baseball team. His coach once tell him, " You are our secret weapon." He is their best kept secret... kept for 3 years (till end of junior high).
---
Story 3:
I was trying to buy some cakes over the window of a cake shop. I was pointing, "I want this one, this one and this one." "Say the names", said the seller. "Yamada Hana", I said.
---
Story 4:
My maternal grandmother goes to the doctor and get a medication to put per rectal. Then she become puzzled. "Should I put juice in too?"
---

Happy fasting!

Mind Your Silly Little Tongue

Assalamualaikum wbt to all!

To my beloved OnG groupmates, all the best for tomorrow, May Allah make it easy for us, may our thoughts are well formed and flows perfectly. Take a deep breath and formulate your thought for a few second, and sail away!

Just to share a hadeeth that is actually connected to ayat 58 and 59 surah An Nahl... the ayat is basicly about old jahiliyyah people who feel so ashamed and grievious because they was bestowed with daughter and not a son, they feel so ashamed and and contemplate burying her.... What a thing to do to ur child... Being in OnG posting for 2 months (oh, how fast the time flew....), I appreciate that there are ppl who are praying day and night to get children because of infertility, and there are a lot of people grieving their miscarriages.. and there are 1001 things that can happen to a pregnancy. But these people from history practice such barbaric thing..... sad really...

But the hadeeth, it touch some other things as well...

(V.16:59) narrated Al-Mughirah: The Prophet salallahu alaihi wassalam used to forbid...

• Qil and Qal (sinful and useless talk like backbiting, or that you talk too much about others);
• asking too many questions (in disputed religious matters);
• and wasting one's wealth (by extravagance);
• and to be undutiful to one's mother
• and to bury the daughters alive
• and to prevent your favours (benevolence) to others (i.e. not to pay the rights of others: Zakat, charity)
• and to beg of men or to ask others for something (except when its unavoidable)

(Sahih Bukhari, Vol 9, hadith No. 395)

Okay, just a simple random exam nite reminder. :)

The Lift...

Assalamualaikum wbt...

Old song, old heart, new sentiment.



Hey...thanks.

A Baking Virgin... no more

Assalamualaikum wbt n hye....

The debut of my baking career is thoroughly pleasing me as my encouraging groupmates tasted the blackish "DARK" chocolate brownies. I'm lucky no one seemed septic looking after that. Still have to wait 1 day to count the incident of diarrhoea. But judging from the second round swarming mouths that waited while I was cutting the remaining of the pieces... I'm not picking up any enemy by making them taste this. I shouldn't, unless I was terribly bad. Conceived from Miss Adah's secret's fool-proof recipe, I have ensured that at least... it will be edible.

So Adah... great things are for sharing, right????

Let us rub off the secret in the name, and let the whole world try the goodness!

Ingredients
250g butter
1.5 cup of sugar (can reduce to 1 coz the choc is sweet)
3/4 cup cocoa powder
1/3 cup plain flour
1/2 teaspoon baking powder
4 eggs
chopped hazelnuts
chopped choc / choc chips

How to???
1. Melt butter and sugar in a saucepan over low heat. Stir until sugar dissolved.
2. Remove from heat
3. Sieve cocoa, flour, baking powder in a bowl. Add a pinch of salt.
4. Add melted butter and sugar and eggs and hazelnut and choc
5. Stir happily and pour into greated tin.
6. Bake for 25-30 mins or less, don't let it burn!
7. SHARE!

I hope Miss Adah won't saman me for this.

Last nite I've forgotten the baking powder. It was agonising!!!! Because after 2 years of knowing about this secret recipi I felt like trying and bought all the ingredients (out of memory.... which is obviously dwinding..coz ...) I forgotten to buy the baking powder!!! So after interrogating my front door neighbour and found out they don't have baking powder, and going down to my local sundry shop to find out they also don't stock baking powder... it started raining cats and dogs outside and I started to wish that it rains baking powder.

So I go back to my readings and case write up... until 11 at night a lightbulb flickered at the periphery of my dim brain. Amy got self raising flour = plain flour + baking powder....

There you go... operation started. I actually tweaked a bit and put some almond powder in the mixture. (First time baking and already into tweaking...) I used Tudor Gold cocoa powder... the taste is real deep. I put a cut bar of milk chocolate that actually melted... note to self, don't use that anymore.... Next time should add choc chips! And maybe white chocs and milky bar or sumthing... Wonderlicious!

Im sorry to those who fast tadi... Im planning second round in near future. Now I understand Amy's feeling when she just can't stop trying to make eclairs. Maybe Ill learn cupcakes next. Yoohoo!

This baton is my keepsake...

If we are in a heartbreak relay, I would like to pass on the baton. I really would like to pass it… but why I keep holding on to it is beyond me. If I can hold to it long enough until the cycle breaks then perhaps this curse will be broken too. Then everyone will have their time to heal, and everyone wins.

Perhaps not everyone will win... that's just too optimistic of me. But I will have the keepsake, and that is the biggest win of all. Even for the price of being broken to smithereens.

Don't you think that a glass broken to smithereens, can still be broken again and again, to be crushed into dust, ground into powdery wisp....Don't you think that it will be more lethal that way? The way it can infiltrate the air you are breathing and cut you deeper and deeper...Oh yes, it can still be broken quite a number of time until you reach the core of its existence.

And the only way for that dust to become whole again is to find a point in space where it can gather and recollect every pieces... to welcome the warmth and the heat from the outside world that it never allow in before... to melt and to hold fast, one piece to another... Then perhaps the glass will become whole again.

Because there is so much warm and shining things in this world.... I won't frown or weep. And I have this baton for my keepsake, and that is the biggest win of all.

Kudoakan Syurga Buatmu....

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim....

Untuk abah, yg budi didikan kasih dan harapanmu membesar dan menyuburkan kami...kudoakan syurga buatmu.

For you who are insisting to drive me 5 hours only to go home back by bus because im alone and so tired .... on ur birthday, and on this special day, and as I will always do, I pray that the heaven is for you.

Untuk ibu, yg budi didikan kasih dan harapanmu membesar dan menyuburkan kami...kudoakan syurga buatmu.

For you who showed us that age, time and family is nothing against passion of learning, striving and doing your best, on this day of ur graduation, and on all the days left in my life, I pray that the heaven is for you.

Looking for Cinderella...

Assalamualaikum wbt n hye...

I was burrowing my way into my closet, looking for my old jackets and muffler to hand them down to one of my cousin going to the UK soon ... when i found these ....



Hihihi...
They are not Cinderella's shoes or anything of sort... They are a just a pair of shoes and suprisingly matching handbag I got for my prom (bought saperately :p )

So i thought, since they are still kind of in a good condition, I only wore them within the count of my fingers, lets find a new owner for them. And as we were having a huge family event in my house (the house was filled with all my cousins, uncles, aunts and both my grannies) I might as well use this chance. (Oh... there's no ballroom dancing in the event...sadly?) So I took out the box and made an announcement...

"Hear here... For whoever can fit this shoe... you can marry... eh... silap... u can keep this shoes and the handbag."

And the shoe fitting session begin!!!!
Too big, too small.Some almost fit, but still, its a miss... [Even my larger-than-life younger brother also tried but he only managed to fit one of his toe.] Not of of the cousins can fit???? I guess, cinderella story is kinda plausible, haha....

So right now, I have the shoes in Penang, so anyone thinks she can fit the shoe, just come knocking to my door,kay?

-----------

This has made me thinking about the cinderella story too... what if...the story have some underlying meaning. (Some KBKK in progress.....) Like Little Red Riding Hood's story is actually to warn innocent but oblivious girls about the danger of strangers, who act nice and "familiar". Wolf = ppl who thinks not with their brain but their persistent Wolffian duct (which later developed) ... hehe.

Its a story of a guy who is searching for a girl who can fit a certain shoe! Did u fell in love with the feet??? (sumhow this remind me of Sheila's profile pic...) Kidding...

What I want to go into is... what if the shoe is not a physical shoe, its a certain characteristic that the girl has... like, ur shoe is different than other's shoe. Its like, A's shoe is.... she's kind, she's competent and dependable, she have a beautiful smile and she listen well.... And u may have same size of shoes but different style... like other ppl may have the same traits, but the individuality is still there...

And ur shoe changes with ur events, and increasing in size as ur feet size increases... this is just like how dynamic the personality is.

(actually the phrase, "try walking in someone else's shoes." is interesting jugak kn? In this one "shoes" = "condition/circumstances" the someone is in.)

So one day this guy meet this girl... and he kinda like that characteristics (the shoe), but he doesn't really get the girl's identity... and so, he go and look for someone with that's characteristics. dadadada~~~

okay, so back to cinderella's story... What if, the prince goes around his kingdom, and then found someone who can fit the shoe but its not the same girl (Cinderella)... will he marry her??? Haha...

Ill just leave this nonsensical post here.

Home built around you...

Assalamualaikum wbt...

Today I was presented with the honour of spending some time with this good friend of mine. She's a wonderful person, and its been a while since I seen her I actually forgotten how good I will feel being in her presence. And today reminded me of why I like her so much at the first place.

They say that home is where your heart is. Its one of the best place in this whole world, where you belong.... where your heart will feel at ease, with Allah's mercy. If its a blessed home, God willing.

Well, I think being with certain people in this world also, will make ur heart feels like that... Like all the rotten and bad fluid in your heart seems to flow away in a stream....and the holes in your heart is filled with something really good. Your heart feel whole, and its as if a home is built right there where you stand. It doesnt matter where you really are then. Its a comfortable feeling.

(",)v ~~~

Why things happen to them?

Assalamualaikum and hye...

Things happen to us for a reason. And thing happen to them for a reason too.

Some time ago, a grievous circumstances has befallen B. B was soo sad. B reached a dead end. But this dead end only exist in B's mind because that is the only road B knows. The map of B world has suddenly changes and the roads and turns B had familiarised before has seemingly disappear. B was stuck in the cul-the-sac ... it hurts too much to turn back and face the monstrous reality but there is no escape.

B can stay there, frozen in time and call the game quit.

But B decided to call for C. A friend...

C may not do anything much. C was just happen to walk within the vicinity. C haven't even been in that situation. But at least there is 2 of them... (and 2 is better than 1~~~~ lalala) So in the end, C managed to tell B what C knew... C's personal map! There was this narrow path that they can try! Or there is this bush you can cut down to make way. And B... you can always pray to be shown the way, or pray to be stronger! Perhaps... this is just the challenge for B to level up!

The 2 of them might not be able to cull the monster or tame it down.... but in the end... they did find some way around it...

So somehow... B managed to proceed with the journey....

Time passed... Now, character D comes into the picture. Along D's happy journey, D stumbled. Its D's personal dead end! Lucky for D.... B is within the vicinity! And B is more than ready to share the tips to escape the dead end...

And they journeyed happily ever after.~~~~

----------------------

Perhaps something happen to you, just so you learn so much to help someone else in the future. Maybe ur experience can be something inspiring...

And perhaps, your little help and contribution (as C have done) ... will go a long way rather than to touch a single soul ... but go on to benefit other in the future. Who knows! God knows!
A little act of kindness does goes a long way.

With a shared wisdom and truth ...
With the time spend to just being with someone ...
With some money you have given to buy a book a build a shelter, a lot of ppl can benefit!

Its not our job to see how far it will go, but to look for such opportunity. With sincerity, of course.

Lets make this world a better place!

Jigsaw Puzzle of Life

Assalamualaikum and hye....

Sometimes something really bad and sad happened to you eg: Losing something or someone you really hold dear in ur life. Your life may change forever... You might think its the end, coz it shattered to pieces, beyond recognition...

"When your life shattered to pieces, its the time to play jigsaw puzzle...."

Really... you need to paste it together again. But its hard... coz you are missing pieces, and things are all over the place... and some things may not fit the way they used to be.

You may need your time, you might need help...

You might not get your old picture back... But life's jigsaw puzzle has a lot more dimensions to it compared to the one on cardboard... the one on cardboard only have one solution. Has someone already give you the answer to life's jigsaw puzzle? What is the end? We are given examples of ideal end... but as normal human we can only search for the best fit as we can... and i believe there are a lot of way to reach it, its a dynamic process, powered by the way you look at the pieces, and the pieces that you actually collected along the way...

So, frown not. The best answer is in you!

----------------------

Abah used to tell me to take things slowly, to pick the right pieces, one at a time....

"If we start it right,though we may not know how it ends,the jigsaw will fit in one by one.And at the end,walla!! u got this nice picture that can be framed to be shown to others as an achievement."

-------------FIN

Paths.

Assalamualaikum wbt and salam sejahtera~

Paths.

They say, in some point in life, you will come to a crossroad, and you will need to choose your path.

What if all ur life, there's only one "right path" in ur vision, a path well trodden but spiked with thorns and bushes, a path so dangerous you may fall anytime... but that is the only path you ever see...is it cause you would want to sit on that throne that lies in the end of it after seeing the waving regal kings and queens? Or because you think its an honourable paths for heroes or saints and you have what it takes? You feel you are lucky because everything seems to work out even though it is supposed to prick and tear you, but sometimes you survive as if the path is laid below your feet as you walk.... until you reach the steepest point of the climb you have ever been, looking back down the mountains...... into the plains and then realised how vast the world is and how many paths there is in the world, and you can at last see what is on top of other mountains and there's something that you would like more than the ways of your fantasy kings and heroes and saints?

Do you regret because you never consider to take the other path?
Or did you feel lonely because the clouds is too thick and you cant even see others walking by ur side?
Or are you too tired of climbing? Is it too much?
Or are you just losing ur faith as you see how slow you are progressing?

Will you go down and take that other path????
Will you be happy there? Is what you feel is just transient desire or your deepest dreams unearthed?

What will happen to the prayers that put the paths under your feet?
How will you pay for the lifts and rides....the ones you promised you will pay when you reached the top?
All the climb.

If you believe the journey is as important as the destination...will it still bother you? Does the spatial end matter? Or the sum of it all?

Maybe you can just bridge the two mountains... maybe it will lead to a different peak, like a never-ending pyramid, one block on top of another. The world is not only in 3d or 4d after all. Only He knows.

Between Today and Tomorrow~

In the pocket between today and tomorrow...
I hope there may exist a day or a half or a quarter,
When everyone in the world will wake up and find everyone in their own world is themselves....
just for a day or a half or a quarter,
For I think it will change tomorrow... perhaps for a little bit.

[A Stem and 5 Leaves]: Hearties

Assalamualaikum wbt n hye all...

[Stem and Leaf 1]

Someone took me to dinner this nite...
That person said, "Remind me to give you something later."
"Okay"...

So we finished our dinner, laughing away over funny Mentor audition...walking to the car...
That person gave me this....


It was a pleasant surprise.... there were no ocassions. And it was a well thought gift.

"I saw U watch quite a while at the beads last time ...'nk beli ke x?' plus, U like anything green"
"Hey, You gave me all the plant or some je?"
"Haha... all ler."

I just feel like someone give me their heart. "Take care of it..." a meaning I attached to it.

People gave me their hearts before, they gave me their hope, and their trust.
As much that I said Im thankful... sumetimes I wonder if I really did appreciate them fully,
like they should be appreciated.
To this point of time, I still cannot say that I took care of them properly.
To this point of time, I still cannot say, "hey, rest assured, I won't let you down."
For that I am sorry.
Its frustrating.

Fundamentally I SHOULD be capable of all that.
Coz other people can.
Maybe because, I never reciprocate them fully.
I gave my heart, I laid my hope, i built my trust.
but I always keep a portion to myself....
a stupid blanked around to protect/defend the stupid ego?
Keep a bit so its okay if you lose it later... if you messed up...
Maybe thats why... you always lose it.
Coz you are EXPECTING it.

Have you ever loved, hoped and trusted fully?
Have you ever been truly thankful?
I should learn to do that STAT!


~~~~~~~~~~~
[Leaf 2]


The saddest thing to lose is not the heart of the one you love the most, or the heart of a friend you wish will never forsaken you, or the heart that you hope will shelter you.

Yes...the saddest thing to lose is not the heart of the one you love the most, but to lose YOUR OWN HEART.

Well, in case the person that you love the most is yourself, which is true most of the time... it is more tragic.

If you lose it dear, I hope you will find it soon. (",)v

~~~~~~~~~~~~
[Leaf 3]


Siblings fight. Jealousy. Rivalry. Misunderstanding.
Drifting apart...
In the end of the day, they may not realise there is a bond greater than the fact that they are always together...
but they always come together again.
At least 95% of the normal population. I think (hehe).

Who are the one who will stand for you when the world collapse against you?
Your "real" brothers and sisters!

~~~~~~~~~~~~
[Leaf 4]


Rasulllah s.a.w pernah bersabda bermaksud, " Seseorang itu akan mengikuti agama sahabatnya, oleh kerana itu, setiap orang dari kamu sekalian hendaklah memerhatikan siapa yang ia jadikan sebagai teman."
(hadith riwayat At-Tirmidzi, Abu Daud dan Ahmad.)

~~~~~~~~~~~~
[Leaf 5]

Disebutkan Habib Abdullah bin Alwi al Haddad: Sabdaan Rasulullah s.a.w yang bererti: "Permisalan teman duduk yang baik adalah seperti penjual haruman misk (wangian yang paling mahal dan harum). Boleh jadi dia memberimu, atau engkau membeli wangiannya atau engkau mencium keharuman wangiannya. Sedangkan misalan teman duduk yang buruk adalah seperti tukang besi. Boleh jadi dia membakar pakaianmu, atau engkau akan mencium aroma busuk darinya."
(Hadith riwayat Bukhari dan Muslim dengan matan sedikit berbeza)

Bookaholic Anonymous

Assalamualaikum wbt and hye....



Is there any Bookaholic Anonymous support group out there? I need to refer a patient for help somewhere. Here is her condensed history...

[WARNING: This history may not be reliable as patient is currently in active stage of her problem.]

Presenting Complaint & History:
Miss S, a 23+ year old, (cute) Malay female medical student, admitted herself voluntarily for interview with a chronic history of "excessive need to shop for books".

• Impulsive book buying since 5 years ago when she started getting pocket money from JPA. Started off buying bimonthly comic, graphic novels, novels, some self help and last year ventured to limited edition fan books / hardcover / first edition books (not hardbacks which cost less).
• One severe episode of shopping spree involving going to multiple charity shops and buying at least 30 books in a week.
• Even go to bookstores in foreign countries eg: Germany. And actually bought a german book.
  
• Cannot walk in front of bookstores without feeling compelled to go in.
  
• Once go in must walk trough all isles, check all bestseller and promotional books, buy at least one book or at least read through one whole book. If not done anxiety symptoms will emerge. Seeing new books from favorite authors will aggravate the symptoms.
  
• (Primacy of Books) If given RM 30, will actually ask for another RM 5 coz novels usually cost around RM35. Rather buy books than shop for dresses/shoes/makeups.
  
• Feels that the thought of buying book is so strong it takes a lot to resist it. However, it is ego-syntonic as buying books actually make her feel very happy, looking forward to reading it and not guilty. Do not feel annoyed when confronted about habit.
• Have bookstore club card so she can get discounts...
• Club card has increased the frequency of buying books.
• Feeling depressed when cannot go to Bookfairs...
  
• Preoccupied in thought of making money so can buy more books.
• Go to bookstores to "cool heads / calm nerves". Buying books give more potent effect. Writing her name in the book give intense satisfaction. Finishing a book induce cravings for more.
• Will try to read even in difficult light conditions eg: using handphone lights.
• Read the first thing in the morning for as eye-opener. Using every single free time to read.
• Reduce sensitivity to surroundings when reading. May forget to take meals. Can sit in one place for a long time and maintain reading posture. Residual neck pain after finish reading.
  
• Withdrawal symptoms: No symptoms because never ever tried to cut down the "consumptions".
• Intoxication: Dreams about book content, searching for fan-arts in deviantart, drawing fan-art, google author and new books.
  
• Functional impairment: Financial difficulty (however no problem with Ah Long), relationship problems (read books when she can talk to family and friends.), compromising college performance (urge to read even in exam week resulting in mediocre results).
• Loss of sleeping time at night as cannot sleep unless getting over a cliffhanger. Daytime somnolence and loss of energy the following day.
  
• Impaired judgement: Difficulty choosing between reading novels and lecture notes / textbooks.
• Insight: Fair. Know have problem but don't know what to do with it.
• Have bookstores related fantasies. eg: Wishing someone in the family to marry a bookstore owner. Bookstores sleepovers.
  

This is one sick patient....

Management: Trial of psychological treatments before biological regime. CBT, psychoeducation, addiction caunselling... Socially, Bookaholic Anonymous.

Patient's opinion, "I don't want any of that... can you just give me "Financial Support" (under social management...)??? And for group therapy, I want to join Book clubs...."

END of interview as patient becoming uncooperative and agitated as she feel the urge to read her new Neil Gaiman book.

Disorder of Prematurity

Assalamualaikum wbt n hye...

One not so fine day, my dad msg me on facebook chat, " Can I talk to you about something?"
Messages like that, makes my heart skipped a beat each time.
Then Ill get some anxiety symptoms like palpitations, sweating, increase heart rate, inicrease breathing rate, butterflies in my tummy.
Just anticipating what he's gonna say.
Then you realise, its nothing. Its not that bad.
People can have panic attack just because of the way they think.
Because your thinking effects how you feel, how you behave, and what you will feel, physically.
Try to relax...
Take a deep breath.

Facing reality is always hard.
But most of the time you will be stuck in one place and not moving.
Like entapped in time, but time is wasting away.
And you feel hopeless, worthless, helpless, just because you are unable to face that one thing.
Just one thing and you are denying the prospect of wonderful future in front of you.
Pro and cons...
In the end, the answer is...
GET OVER IT!

~*~*~

He said, its all right to show to others, that you have managed things in a mature way.
I hope I did.
(The managing part, not the showing part.)
I made my choices, based on what I believe.
After a lot of thinking, that is... and hope for divine intervention.
For a sinful heart, is it able to make a choice without Your guidance?
Show us the rightful path, Oh Allah...

But what is mature, mind you?
Wiser than yesterday???
Wiser than them?
Wise enough to act upon ur wisdom???
To do the right thing, when it is the "rightest" choice available.

We make mistakes...
And one mistake can effect not only us.
but without it we never learns, even though it is possible..
but its not whats feasible for mediocre human.
So mistakes I make, to be wiser, to be more matured...
BEAR WITH ME.

~*~*~

Maturity is relative of the past...
Relative between 2 people...
As all the things in life, we just can strive to near perfection...
forever diagnosed with "Disorder" of Prematurity...
but its not that bad.

:)

Unless you regress!

Exam Nite Curry-in-a-Hurry

Assalamualaikum wbt n hye...

[WARNING: Don't cook this if you want to impress your future-mother-in-law. This recipe is not even approved by my mother...]

3 cloves garlic crushed (just whack em with ur kitchen knife)
1 red onion (cut anyhow u want, omit also can)
2 birds eyes chillies (cut... put more if you are a fan of minesweeper)

a pinch salt
1/4 pinch sugar (omit if u dont like)
about 1/2 packet dried coconut milk
about 1/3 packet curry powder
1/2 cup h20
(in practice, no need to measure them, just throw in)

A small can of Sardine (Ciken Brand or any brand u like)
random foodstuff in ur fridge (baby corn is perfect coz just need to cut few times...)
Rice cooked already (can do both at same time)

Put oil --> hot --> put onion-chily-garlic combo --> nice smell --> put curry powder --> put randomies --> curry powder looks ok --> put in sardine + the sauce and coconut powder n some h20 (no need to use hot water..)

Put salt n sugar.. Kacau a bit.... make sure api not to big... close the lid...

Go and read 1/4 of ur lecture notes... then check... if still x okay, read another 1/8 maybe... (if u are the kind that constantly refer to textbook... make it 1/6 lecture notes...)... if you have Checking-type OCD... i can't help you then.

Suppose to siap then... eat while ur lecture notes flashing at you using power point.

--------------------
All the best for exams!

No pet allowed~

Assalamualaikum wbt n hye all...

I think i want a pet.
I missed putting my cheeks onto warm, breathing, fluffy, purring beings...
Listening to tiny heartbeat and let my hand ride the tide and trough of respiration...
Just being there in the same room and feel contented with the silence, the lack of movement, but the little signs of life...
Life...
...shared...
It has been a while.

In this apartment you can't have a pet.
But then, going out in the morning, coming back late, keeping one home might make one depressed...

So I got myself a potted plant...
Lets take care of each other, okay?


-----------------------------

I think there was a brawl in front of the lobby of our apartment. There was shouting, then the police came, then the ambulance, much later...
A lot of passersby was watching. i wonder what has happened.
Maybe if i go to Psychiatric ward a new patient is admitted tonight... or maybe other ward..
What am i thinking...

-----------------------------


Me and my mom haven't get time to proceed with the story book for deaf kids project yet. But I manage to borrow her huge dictionary... hohoho! So I can just browse when I have time. My tablet at home has been having connection wire problem so I can't directly draw the signs into computer... which is more convenient and neat. I'll see if I can get a new one. My bro said after graduating and get job he will buy us the computer that u can directly draw on it. Forget the name. A lot in market already... My current dream is Wacom Cintiq. Okay, I know I don't have a lot of skills, so maybe a high end tool (high end ke???) is not worth it in my hands... i mean, i not worth it to handle such tools, hoho. But its good to dream, right?


----------------------

There are things making me thinks a lot about death lately. No, not suicidal ideation... I mean, death can come to us anytime, rite? The natural and the sudden ones. no one know when he or she will die... If I die typing this, you guys won't even have the chance to read it then. If I die rite now, there are a lot of people I want to apologize to and probably won't have a chance. If I die rite now, there are still a lot of things I want to say but I never do. Secrets may be buried with me, memories and feelings will linger. But what is the importance of that when you die... life of others will still go on. In sadness or happiness, you need to go on.

Of course, what u need to worry about is what you will bring to the hereafter....

Please forgive me if I its not fated for me to say it directly to you then. I'm sorry.

--------------------

Psychiatry rotation is coming to an end. I feel sad coz I truly enjoyed it. maybe its the lecturers effect, hehehe... I think I might consider going down this road... child psychiatry is just fascinating. But then again, I fall in love ever so easily... perhaps this is just a superficial kinda thing. There are a lot more cakes to taste, and I hope to be shown the perfect one to dive in for life... the path is still unwinding... there is still a long way to go (if God permits!)...

-------------------

Goodnite everyone! God bless u.

Pusat Serenti2

 Assalamualaikum wbt and hye...

Thinking back, I don't have much more to say about the topic, I'll just throw some bits and pieces of thought.

• Out of 300+ penghuni, 200+ are Malays. 30 Indian and 40 Chinese and 2 lain-lain... haih...
• I particularly like how they tried not to allow them to be physically agressive to each other, to train them to control their feelings and anger so when they go out, they will less likely resort to aggression when dealing with things.
  
• For eg: If you are angry or not satisfied with someone or want to report unacceptable behavior.... you have to write on a paper, just write anything...if you want to curse or what not, just write it all on the paper and put in designated box. Then it will either be resolved in meeting or personal issues will be dealt between both party in a session with therapist/staff present and the person with anger/dissatisfaction is allowed to let go verbally to the intended party in controlled environment. he is allowed to fume and speak till he is satisfied and the person in the receiving end just listen...coz the target is the angry one (teach not to be physical...). But the receiving person can say if he can't take it anymore, and maybe the staff will facilitate any discussion. in the end, they will resolve the prob, and life goes back to normal. (ideally)
• Other interesting thing they do is the "punishment" if you do something major, called learning experience, you have to wear blue t-shirt that is different than others, and asked to do stuff like cleaning a huge pasu (kat air pancut) with toothbrush and everyone passing along have to stop and "advise" you about the mistake you made. This is like and effort to make u remember and ponder on ur mistake...and is carried out by ur peers.... ala2 raging tapi still kalau x dpt pengajaran gak... bolehla kene LE banyak2 kali lagik, hehe...
• Other one is while waiting for hearing, if you did something wrong, you have to sit in a chair, facing the wall, outside the room so ppl can see you....does it make u ponder on ur mistakes? Im not sure, never get that kind of punishment before, selalunye tgk anak org putih je kene sit on the corner... dulu kat skolah kene berdiri luar kelas. And kat skolah menengah pun biase kene duduk kat luar kelas sebab x hafal similarities and differences time kene tasmi' kelas ustazah bahasa arab, hehe....
• FIN-
  

----------------------

Don't believe it because I said it, believe it because its true.
Believe that I believe in you.
You can do it!!! ~(",)v

Layang-layang 2

Dia selalu terbuai semacam layang-layang bertali longgar,
kelam-kelibut dipukul ribut,
meluru kemana angin menderu,
menjunam bila angin hilang????

Tak tak....

Sebab ada yang menarik talinya...
membawanya pulang??
Atau meneguhkannya supaya boleh memanjat tinggi ...
lagi lagi dan lagi!

Saving You (Pusat Serenti 1)

Assalamualaikum wbt..
----
Im not saving you, my dear. I want to, and I'm still trying but I can't; the only person who can save you is yourself, so I'm praying that you will be able to do it. I'll still be by your side all the time. Please save yourself.

---

Tolong org ni macam menarik kuda ke lopak air, kalau dia tanak minum nak buat camne kan???

Kita boleh baling pelampung kat org tu, tp kalau dia x dpt tangkap, atau berenang ke arahnya, x de guna jugak. Tapi then, external factor pun come into play, contohnya, kalau air tu sejukbeku macam tempat Titanic karam tu, atau org tu punye body pon cam dah nyawa2 ikan ke, ataupun jerung dah usha2... Ultimately, kalau Allah nak jadi, jadi jugak. Tapi kan result tu hak Allah nk kasi, yg jatuh atas kita tu usaha jugak kan?

Mcm org ckp, jangan kasi ikan, tp kasi joran n ajar dia camne nak guna. bagus la tu, si good samaritan tu dah fikir yang terbaik utk org yg dia nk tolong. Tapi kalau batang joran tu sendiri dia p buat perhiasan dinding jer, atau buang ke mana2 ntah... sedih aaa. Better dia wat jolok buah, walaupun salahguna sikit tapi adela usaha nak guna, mungkin dia agak degil tapi kreatif.

-----

Pagi tadi g Pusat Serenti Bukit Mertajam, bakal2 doktor yang tgh berusaha nak mendapat pentauliahan ni, tringin jugak nak jumpa "doktor2" yang x de tauliah, hehe. Bukan saje2, sebab professional jugak, nak blaja pasal masalah penagihan ni. Mase nak g, rasa happy, sbb excited, wat field trip, naik bas... cam back to school.

Sampainya di sana, pak polisi sambut, dah kene beratur bertiga2, chee, macam berdisiplin jer. X leh bwk kamera... (alooo....)

First impression, lawanye tempat ni. Walaupun dari luar nampak mcm penjara, tp bila dah masuk rasa mcm suasana penyayang jer. Ntahla, sebab pokok2 dia hijau and subur, banyak mural,pastu kat koridor dan titi gajah ada tulis nilai2 murni, rasa macam sekolah rendah yang bakal menang pertandingan 3K. Tapi takut gak nak menghadapi penghuni2, ya la, memang x boleh pre-judge atas stereotype, tapi sbb pakcik polis tu dah ckp suh hati2, caution kene ada di situ. Sebenarnya berdebar2 jugak, sebab tau kene clerk one to one harini utk practice amik drug history yg lengkap, elicit stressor yg menyebabkan dia nak amik dll.

Then, kami diajak join diorg nye Morning Meeting. Morning meeting ni sebahagian dari program Therapeutic Community yang diorg employ. Semua penghuni n staff dikira dan dipanggil "ahli keluarga". Kiranya konsepnya ialah mengamalkan kasih sayang and involvement of semua org, termasuk staff dan penghuni, untuk help diorg la, melalui amalan beberapa nilai2 yg diorg cuba impliment dan serapkan.

Contoh nilai:
"Seek to understand rather than be understood"
"Be careful what you wish for, you might get it"
"No free lunch."

Dari apa yg sy tgk, cara yg diorg pakai mcm cuba supaya nilai2 ni, ahli keluarga patutnya boleh ingat sampai bila2. serius, kalau sy kene cara tu confirm saya ingat, sbb mcm asik ulang2 tiap2 pagi. hehe... Tapi tu la, sedih jugak sbb success rate (kiranya, x balik semula kepada penagihan, cuma dalam 30-35%) ketegaq gak aaa...

Back to Morning Meeting, dia mcm perhimpunan pagi yang bermotivasi dan berdisiplin. Diorg boleh duduk, tapi x leh tunduk, or toleh kiri kanan. Duduk dlm sedia??? kot. Ada doa, then recite sumthing yg mcm ikrar, tapi touching la jugak. Then ada perkongsian falsafah/nilai harian oleh satu ahli keluarga. Ala2 tazkirah pagi la. Then, perkongsian masalah. Kat sini diorg x pakai nama, tapi dipanggil pakai "No badan". Contohnya (22/37) <--random je. So, ada ahli keluarga yg g depan and report contohnya, " saya ......, .... kasut saya digunakan oleh seseorang dari asrama ....". Then, org yg wat tu kene ngaku, bangun. Kalau x ngaku, satu asrama kene. Then bantuan akan diminta, semua angkat tgn, so 3 random ppl akan kene panggil ke depan, utk memberi bantuan aka menegur org yg wat salah tu depan2 sume org. First impression cam "ganas" gak aaa, ala2 kita kat asrama dulu kene torture ngan akak2 (uhuk uhuk...oh,kenangan itu), tapi agak positif, sebab diorg akan sebut kesalahan tu, then why its wrong, ape kesannya, reflect masa silam diorg, reflect falsafah/nilai/minda yg berkaitan. then diorg ckp, sikap ni ada gak pada saya, so kita ubah sama2. Kiranya ada format disitu, so, mcm ni la nilai tu patut masuk otak. dah ulang tiap2 hari, kalau x ingat, tataula. Kitorg sbgai pelawat pon cam dah ingat... Comel gak aaa masalah diorg, cam x tutup suis, pijak pokok, curi baju melayu, mcm kat asrama dulu, benda yg kita anggap kesalahan kecik, tapi impak besar, n menunjukkan masalah akhlak disitu....

(continue nnt ek???)

------
Assalamualaikum.

Aku Dalam Dingin Dalam Kelam

Assalamualaikum wbt dan salam sejahtera.....

Sedikit putaran kata, buat yang sudi merasa.

-------------------------------------------------------

Aku dalam dingin dalam kelam
Kala suria berlari tinggal langit hitam
Ternoda pada kata, terguris halus jiwa
Halus dari nyata persepsi sebelah mata

Aku dalam dingin dalam kelam
Bukan cuma gerhana menghijab mata malam
Dan kelip bertebar mencari putranya
Tidak tersedar terolah parasnya

Aku tetap dingin tetap kelam
Jika cahaya terbiar padam
Tapi sinar itu dari Tuhanku
Mencerah memancar memayungi aku.

---------------------------------------------------

Semoga suria dan purnama bisa mencari cahayanya semula...
Pada Allah terus terus teruslah kita berdoa.
Amin.

Food poisoning "song"

Salam...
Just a feel an impulse to share this ridiculous "song" I stumbled upon in one manga,

"Its a cafe with a lovely tasting tea two of us (are) enjoying at the same time...
Enjoying the same sweet, two of us, together always,
But why am I the only one with food poisoning????"

Its supposed to be the "bittersweet feeling of love".

LOL~@

Story Books with Sign Languange "Translation"

Assalamualaikum wbt and good day everyone....

This means "Assalamualaikum" .

My mom has finished her Degree in Special Education and she had sign language course. As an assignment she had to make up a story as a schoolchild would, but she has to provide sign language translation of the story. I helped to illustrate the signs for that assignment. We included the full text of the story, and on the other page we arranged the signs and underneath the signs we indicate what individual signs means.

One day mom said that the might want to write children stories or adapt simple folk stories, translate them properly to proper sign languages like BIM (Bahasa Isyarat Malaysia)/ MSL (Malaysian Sign Language) or KTBM (Kod Tangan Bahasa Malaysia) and publish them as story books. I used to help her illustrate, so I was really excited to help with the signs, or perhaps we can include big colourful pictures illustrating the storyline too!

For my dear friends who have family members / friends who use sign language... (because they are deaf/mute/ just for fun)... do you think this will be helpful?

• For the deaf/mute children, they can have fun reading stories with picture and still be encouraged to use proper language, increase their vocabularies and associate the words with the signs.
  
• For educator, as a teaching tool.
• For parents, can use to practice to sign, or can even assist in reading bedtime stories to child!
• Friends and anyone interested also can benefit from the book....

(It all about education and improve signing skills but not just for the child.)

Or do you think, as a book is for reading, might as well let it contain just words... signing should be taught by action, not reading.......

Or do you have any suggestions? Or have you ever find books like this before???
Educators, any take on this?


Thanks for your support!!!! We are really looking forward to commence this project! (It will be in Bahasa Malaysia by the way.

________________________________
Some useful links:
Malaysian Federation of the Deaf

Lets learn a basic signs!
"Selamat Jalan" aka "bye bye"

Kebahagiaan~

Assalamualaikum wbt...

Adela selak2 satu buku lama ni... adela sikit kata2 yang pernah tertulis pada satu penerimaan satu masa dulu.Dikongsikan.

---------------------------

Kebahagiaan tak hanya datang dari apa yang dimiliki,
atau dari nikmat yang jatuh ke atas diri,
tak juga hanya kerna kasih yang diberi,
atau ikatan yang dikongsi...

Tapi, baru saja kusedari,
Kebahagiaan jua dirasa,
dari ikhlasnya hati yang gembira,
atas kegembiraan orang lain...
Pada saat itu, kegembiraan dan kebahagiaan itu... milik aku juga.

-------- BD